I can’t understand anyone who would think that any people should be treated the way the Palestinian people are being treated by the Israelis today. And this is very upsetting to me because I am Jewish hopefully some good will come out of this and they will reach a two state solution.
I am as well (Jewish), and I too find the situation abhorent ;-( I haven't yet lost any friends over my position...but probably will at some point (shrug). Our core beliefs are there for a reason (one of mine is treat people the way you wish to be treated)...LaDonna, sorry you lost a friend, but pleased to know we agree on which side of the divide we straddle!
It’s hard to understand how a people that has been victimized for so long, could turn around and become a killing machine. They told us to never forget, and then they forgot.
Thank you for another insightful, intimate post that certainly resonates with many of your recently transported-by-choice readers. I've only been in Portugal 5 months and I'm seeing the challenge, strain and beauty of maintaining friendships without convenient geography as well as attempting to make new friends whilst enduring the first dinner date experience! As an American, we are taught it's impolite to discuss politics and religion socially and that absurdity has gotten us to an incredibly divisive place where many people lack the skills or experience or interest to explore these critical topics. While I do believe we can have differing opinions about the why/the blame/the solution/ the historical context etc. I don't believe we can be on opposite sides of the truth. The TRUTH is the TRUTH. It's what IS happening, NOT what any of us think about it. For me, failure to call what is happening now in Gaza " genocide" is a morality issue, not a political issue, not a religion issue. I refuse to listen to any political reasoning or argument for or against if the baseline is disagreed with. In this case if someone thinks the occupation should continue, settlements should continue and this genocide (now in its forced famine stage - sure, that's going to capture a few more Hamas fighters) then there's no discussion to be had. Recognizing differing moral compasses in people can be painful yet self preserving. War divides land, love, families, friendships. I don't need to discuss it with everyone but like you, I need to speak my support for the truth. Not my truth, the only truth.
altho i agree that the situation in gaza is horrific, i didn't feel that you meant this
'scrawl' to be about that conflict. as we mature, age, move on, whatever we want to call it - relationships change and friendships are lost or fall away. as an only child, i treasured those i could call good friends. i don't find this to be true of all people. i feel deep loss when friendships end.
i recently left california after 47 years, and with that - left friends behind. very few (maybe two) remain in my life. i can't say i miss the others, but i didn't expect that to be the end of almost ever speaking to them. whether its palestine or politics, crossing the line and having an opinion is a dreadful reason to not share important things in our lives...but that seems where we now seem to be - afraid to talk to each other on deeper levels - which are required to really define friendships. again, thanks for your words.
Thanks, Bonnie. You're right. This post was meant to be about the way friendships change and disappear along the way. The genocide in Gaza is a lightning rod, though, so I'm not surprised that's what's getting the attention even though I barely mentioned Palestine. I expected even that small line would cause me to lose some subscribers (and have to delete more than one gaslighting/delusional comment)--and I was right, I have. And that's ok. I was ready for it.
Well written. I am struggling with outgrowing a very old friendship. I have grown throughout the years and she has chosen not to. Where we are now are two very different levels and pathways. Many years ago, I lost a dear friend also of many long years because of politics. We I suppose it was politics but we never talked politics. I saw in her and a few other people I knew the hidden hatred for different groupings of people freely come out. I was shocked that several people I knew so well had such hatred of people who were not in the same types of bodies they were in. It is a hard thing to walk away from friendships but sometimes it is what I have had to do.
I have followed you for some time and have found validation in so many of your posts as I actually have experienced similar situations. This particular post is perhaps one I could have written myself ( if only I was such an exquisite writer as you are). Losing friends is one of the hardest lessons life has taught me and it used to be so painful. As I have grown older, it is a more tolerable event that I see as inevitable. But still quite sad. The specific situation that you name on your beliefs is one that I have yet to experience but I suspect it may happen at some point as I do have several Jewish friends who are on the opposite side of my beliefs. For now, I have not had the courage to be vocal about it but as the last bombings killed the volunteered humanitarian aid workers, that's when I really thought I had reached my limit.
I'm sorry for your loss, LaDonna. The loss of a friendship is still a loss, and there is a grieving period for sure. I share your feelings regarding the situation in Palestine. It is beyond tragic.
We live in difficult, divisive times. The sturm und drang drumbeat by the media -- mainstream and so-called "social" -- take an untold toll as we try to be on our best behavior. But sometimes we step on someone's feet while dancing this tango ... sometimes we trip over our own ... and sometimes we're victims: for some unknowable reason: there are people out there who just don't like us. Thank you for sharing, again, words that tug at our intellect as they tumble around in our hearts.
So much juicy here LaDonna. As I’ve grown older and have grocked the rhythms of life - one of those is relationships. Lovely and not-so-lovely people move into (and often out) of my life staying a little or long while.
These days I let these happenings flow organically believing friends (or potential friends) come into my life on purpose - in some cases it couldn’t be more evident and in others I have no idea. Nonetheless, as an immigrant, finding “friend material” in a new country is a form of flow that has been a good test for me in staying present and open to who shows up.
Same thing happened to me. But it was back in 2015, the summer when Israel disproportionately bombarded the Gaza Strip, killing thousands throughout July and August. Back then, no-one spoke up. But I did. I voiced dissent on my blog, and in the process lost my best friend (Jewish). Problem was, she was more than a best friend, she was like a sister to me. When my own sister robbed me of my inheritance and basically told me to F--- off after our parents died, it was B who took me in. It was B who actually cared what would become of me and gave me shelter in her house (with her husband and kids.) "You'll always have a room here," she said to me.
We didn't speak for over 5 years, it was like the Cold War. And I missed her, I missed our friendship. The hostility is just now beginning to thaw. I hope we can regain our friendship and find common ground.
Thank you for this. Yes, indeed, "some flame out, some fade away" and sometimes, I've had to blow just a bit on the flame and then back away from further pain or exposure. It's human nature to change over time, and it's our very best, and rare, friends who somehow are accepting and encouraging of the growth and change in us, just as we are for them, especially as we age. (So it was especially tragic for me in January when my best friend, for 45 years, died of a massive stroke.) "Losing a friend" doesn't begin to describe this. But, for this very reason, I all the more treasure this Setúbal place I've landed, where I'm finding welcoming hearts and beautiful souls...and thoughtful, cerebral, bloggers like yourself. Muito Obrigada.
This resonates with me. I can look back and see that my close friend before I married was jealous of my new relationship, that another was more interested in my daughter than me. Trying to make new friends here is difficult, but I have low expectations. Our best friends are Portuguese and we communicate with them in their language ( or I do in French too) which means that we can gloss over the occasional problems and differences.
My only real close friends are ex teaching colleagues from my first job in Liverpool when I was 22. They have shared all my hopes and disappointments and we can talk about deep issues within five minutes of reuniting. However, crucially, they are all left wing like us, so the common ground is firm.
I can’t understand anyone who would think that any people should be treated the way the Palestinian people are being treated by the Israelis today. And this is very upsetting to me because I am Jewish hopefully some good will come out of this and they will reach a two state solution.
I am as well (Jewish), and I too find the situation abhorent ;-( I haven't yet lost any friends over my position...but probably will at some point (shrug). Our core beliefs are there for a reason (one of mine is treat people the way you wish to be treated)...LaDonna, sorry you lost a friend, but pleased to know we agree on which side of the divide we straddle!
It’s hard to understand how a people that has been victimized for so long, could turn around and become a killing machine. They told us to never forget, and then they forgot.
"Me, too."
I am not Jewish Abby, but I share your same feelings
Thank you for another insightful, intimate post that certainly resonates with many of your recently transported-by-choice readers. I've only been in Portugal 5 months and I'm seeing the challenge, strain and beauty of maintaining friendships without convenient geography as well as attempting to make new friends whilst enduring the first dinner date experience! As an American, we are taught it's impolite to discuss politics and religion socially and that absurdity has gotten us to an incredibly divisive place where many people lack the skills or experience or interest to explore these critical topics. While I do believe we can have differing opinions about the why/the blame/the solution/ the historical context etc. I don't believe we can be on opposite sides of the truth. The TRUTH is the TRUTH. It's what IS happening, NOT what any of us think about it. For me, failure to call what is happening now in Gaza " genocide" is a morality issue, not a political issue, not a religion issue. I refuse to listen to any political reasoning or argument for or against if the baseline is disagreed with. In this case if someone thinks the occupation should continue, settlements should continue and this genocide (now in its forced famine stage - sure, that's going to capture a few more Hamas fighters) then there's no discussion to be had. Recognizing differing moral compasses in people can be painful yet self preserving. War divides land, love, families, friendships. I don't need to discuss it with everyone but like you, I need to speak my support for the truth. Not my truth, the only truth.
As usual, you've struck a chord. Thank you for your words and your honesty.
altho i agree that the situation in gaza is horrific, i didn't feel that you meant this
'scrawl' to be about that conflict. as we mature, age, move on, whatever we want to call it - relationships change and friendships are lost or fall away. as an only child, i treasured those i could call good friends. i don't find this to be true of all people. i feel deep loss when friendships end.
i recently left california after 47 years, and with that - left friends behind. very few (maybe two) remain in my life. i can't say i miss the others, but i didn't expect that to be the end of almost ever speaking to them. whether its palestine or politics, crossing the line and having an opinion is a dreadful reason to not share important things in our lives...but that seems where we now seem to be - afraid to talk to each other on deeper levels - which are required to really define friendships. again, thanks for your words.
Thanks, Bonnie. You're right. This post was meant to be about the way friendships change and disappear along the way. The genocide in Gaza is a lightning rod, though, so I'm not surprised that's what's getting the attention even though I barely mentioned Palestine. I expected even that small line would cause me to lose some subscribers (and have to delete more than one gaslighting/delusional comment)--and I was right, I have. And that's ok. I was ready for it.
Well written. I am struggling with outgrowing a very old friendship. I have grown throughout the years and she has chosen not to. Where we are now are two very different levels and pathways. Many years ago, I lost a dear friend also of many long years because of politics. We I suppose it was politics but we never talked politics. I saw in her and a few other people I knew the hidden hatred for different groupings of people freely come out. I was shocked that several people I knew so well had such hatred of people who were not in the same types of bodies they were in. It is a hard thing to walk away from friendships but sometimes it is what I have had to do.
I have followed you for some time and have found validation in so many of your posts as I actually have experienced similar situations. This particular post is perhaps one I could have written myself ( if only I was such an exquisite writer as you are). Losing friends is one of the hardest lessons life has taught me and it used to be so painful. As I have grown older, it is a more tolerable event that I see as inevitable. But still quite sad. The specific situation that you name on your beliefs is one that I have yet to experience but I suspect it may happen at some point as I do have several Jewish friends who are on the opposite side of my beliefs. For now, I have not had the courage to be vocal about it but as the last bombings killed the volunteered humanitarian aid workers, that's when I really thought I had reached my limit.
I love hearing that you're finding validation in what I write. Thanks for telling me!
Thank you for this honest, heartfelt post. I think the Audre Lord quote hits it square on the heart of the matter. Onward.
Onward, indeed.
I'm sorry for your loss, LaDonna. The loss of a friendship is still a loss, and there is a grieving period for sure. I share your feelings regarding the situation in Palestine. It is beyond tragic.
We live in difficult, divisive times. The sturm und drang drumbeat by the media -- mainstream and so-called "social" -- take an untold toll as we try to be on our best behavior. But sometimes we step on someone's feet while dancing this tango ... sometimes we trip over our own ... and sometimes we're victims: for some unknowable reason: there are people out there who just don't like us. Thank you for sharing, again, words that tug at our intellect as they tumble around in our hearts.
So much juicy here LaDonna. As I’ve grown older and have grocked the rhythms of life - one of those is relationships. Lovely and not-so-lovely people move into (and often out) of my life staying a little or long while.
These days I let these happenings flow organically believing friends (or potential friends) come into my life on purpose - in some cases it couldn’t be more evident and in others I have no idea. Nonetheless, as an immigrant, finding “friend material” in a new country is a form of flow that has been a good test for me in staying present and open to who shows up.
Same thing happened to me. But it was back in 2015, the summer when Israel disproportionately bombarded the Gaza Strip, killing thousands throughout July and August. Back then, no-one spoke up. But I did. I voiced dissent on my blog, and in the process lost my best friend (Jewish). Problem was, she was more than a best friend, she was like a sister to me. When my own sister robbed me of my inheritance and basically told me to F--- off after our parents died, it was B who took me in. It was B who actually cared what would become of me and gave me shelter in her house (with her husband and kids.) "You'll always have a room here," she said to me.
We didn't speak for over 5 years, it was like the Cold War. And I missed her, I missed our friendship. The hostility is just now beginning to thaw. I hope we can regain our friendship and find common ground.
OMG! What a great post! Sadly, sometimes, in the US, it's family that you lose for dogmatic reasons. :-( Thank you for writing. So good!
Wonderfully written. I’m horrified by what is happening to the Palestinian people.
Thank you for this. Yes, indeed, "some flame out, some fade away" and sometimes, I've had to blow just a bit on the flame and then back away from further pain or exposure. It's human nature to change over time, and it's our very best, and rare, friends who somehow are accepting and encouraging of the growth and change in us, just as we are for them, especially as we age. (So it was especially tragic for me in January when my best friend, for 45 years, died of a massive stroke.) "Losing a friend" doesn't begin to describe this. But, for this very reason, I all the more treasure this Setúbal place I've landed, where I'm finding welcoming hearts and beautiful souls...and thoughtful, cerebral, bloggers like yourself. Muito Obrigada.
This resonates with me. I can look back and see that my close friend before I married was jealous of my new relationship, that another was more interested in my daughter than me. Trying to make new friends here is difficult, but I have low expectations. Our best friends are Portuguese and we communicate with them in their language ( or I do in French too) which means that we can gloss over the occasional problems and differences.
My only real close friends are ex teaching colleagues from my first job in Liverpool when I was 22. They have shared all my hopes and disappointments and we can talk about deep issues within five minutes of reuniting. However, crucially, they are all left wing like us, so the common ground is firm.