I don't tell everyone who asks "why Portugal" the whole truth. Many Americans will never understand and some will become agitated if I told them the truth; America is a broken society. Something has gone terribly wrong with how we live and how we are expected to get up, brush ourselves off again and do the Zoom meeting, answer the email, get the groceries, comfort our child, look sexy (but not too sexy), help aging parents, help fundraise for our broke schools and try so hard to be optimistic. I"m so tired and so sensitive and I can't take it anymore. I know Portugal isn't utopia but in the words of Tracy Chapman:
Beautiful words. I’ve been bouncing between tears and rage today. We’re planning a move to Portugal, which is how I discovered and started following you. We thought we’d move this summer but decided we needed one more year to get our finances in shape. And then move next summer so we don’t have to make the kiddo move schools mid year. But now I wonder, can we afford to wait?
Well, this is brilliant, which (knowing you for as long as I have) comes as no shock, but it was very comforting to read. I know exactly what you mean, about realising - once you've left the USA - that you don't want to go back. I haven't been back for 2.5 years, some of which is due to COVID of course, but now that I theoretically COULD go back, I find I really don't want to.
I thought about you a lot the last few days, not just because I miss you, but specifically because:
1. My BRP / visa card finally fucking arrived and I can FINALLY plan to come and see you, and that makes me so happy;
2. The Uvalde shooting made me immediately think of you, and the combination of relief but also horror you must be feeling, and how much I wish I could protect all of the children who have to go to school every day - scared to, as I know Lu had been. I think of the smug faces of the Republican Senators who have taken millions of dollars in donations from the NRA and gun manufacturers, and I think with huge dread about the midterms, and how every poll I've seen is predicting that the GOP will actually GAIN seats in the House and Senate - and I cannot, I can NOT fucking stand it; and finally...
3. I read an astonishing exposé of the Southern Baptists religious group, and the rampant sexual abuse that's been going on for decades, covered up by the same type of smirking, old white men who run the NRA and preach self-righteously at the kinds of churches I know you had to go to. Who told you that you were basically a witch. And a sinner. And I want to kick their faces in, and make them leave the world alone so that Lu can live in it with joy and freedom. Anyway. I love you. Great post. Say Hi to your mommy and The Papa. And let's make plans! XOXOXO
I read this this morning when I woke up, I described it to the folks in my aula portuguêsa who wanted me to send it to them, I re-read it when I got home, and read it again. And I cried every effing time: for what you evoke and what you emote in your exquisite prose, and for the sadness that is our broken 'merika. And as to how you describe your unbeknownst reluctance to "return" to see friends and family, right on, as well. Obrigado, eu.
LaDonna, I was a teacher of young children until last year. I remember standing in my kindergarten classroom with all my sparkly five year olds around me when a parent whispered the news of Sandy Hook in my ear. What was I suppose to do with that news? In that moment? I hardened a place deep inside me and tried to stuffed it there. I went on to play games about vowels and tried to keep that horror from leaking out onto my hands, my face, into tears. I tried not to assess my classroom for hiding spaces, avenues of escape. I tried to ignore the large pane of glass in my classroom door, so easily broken giving access to the twist lock that was our only defense. I tried hard to only reflect my sincere enthusiasm for the short sound of "e" and the magic of letters becoming words becoming stories.
This time. This murder spree. This massacre that "couldn't have been prevented" arrived when I don't have my own classroom. It arrived to pile up on top of all the other acts of war on people going about their lives, here and abroad. It arrived when I can't look into a multitude of goofy, loving faces and find some reason to hope things will get better. So, I turned off the TV, changed the radio station and tried to hear a little about any of it as possible. I thought it was working until I read your poem.
I had to stop multiple times as I read it. I had to stop and cry and allow that hard little knot in the center of my chest to loosen a little. I think it may be a few days until it settles, this commotion you started; I have been packing it away for years after all. Thank you for that. I don't know what I'll do next but I do know I have to direct my despair to work and to righting some of this for all those sparkly little people I've loved so much.
Your words are very powerful. Thank you for sharing.
Your words are powerful too, Debbie. Thank you for sharing yours, and for loving all those sparkly little people over the years. I'm glad my words helped with that hard knot. Sending love down the line to you.
Your latest newsletter was absolutely beautiful. I can really feel your pain from what is happening in the United States. The leaders of this country should want to do better, but sadly I don't have a lot of faith in their ability to do the right thing. Most of the people here are really good and deserve better, but unfortunately too many politicians have no heart or spine. My wife and I were fortunate to discover not only the beauty of Portugal, but also the kindness of the people. This is a country that knows what it is like to not freedom until a few decades ago and they cherish and protect the life they have now. We were lucky enough to buy a home in the "Silver Coast" area last year and we can't wait to make the move. We are also from the bay area and my wife is a native San Franciscan, so your newsletter hits home even more. Thank you for sharing the day to day life in Portugal as well as the things that really move your heart. Our thoughts are with you while you are visiting your family. Have a safe trip home.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Your words resonated with me on levels so deep that I cannot begin to describe it. I always enjoy your writing. So much. Today more than ever. I understand why you moved to Portugal. It's for the same reasons that I will when I can finally leave. The US hasn't felt like either home or a safe place in decades. I no longer want to be here. Haven't for what seems like forever.
This is so beautifully written! My family and I have been living in Portugal for 7 months now. My kids are only 2 and 3. Our 3 year old started preschool recently. I am eternally grateful that my kids won’t have to practice active shooter drills, and that I know they won’t be gunned down at school.
Thank you! You said all I feel. We leave for Portugal Saturday, and while it’s only our scout trip, I’m so utterly confident as each day goes by in the US that this is absolutely the right decision for my family. Keep sharing your bravery! It helps.
As I time travel backward and read your posts, I feel like we're sharing a mind. I fervently hope for the same feeling, the vanquishing of worries about guns and shootings, and do I have to wonder if someone with a gun is going to end a family member's life today?
I remember that countdown/feeling/anxiety so very well. Those last weeks before we moved went by soooooo slowly. You're going to make it! See you on the other side.
This post expresses what so many of us feel LaDonna. I was talking with my 16yr old after the Uvalde shooting. He has decided to pursue college in Europe with the goal of emigrating. My parents were both immigrants, and had my mother lived to see what the US is like today she would be horrified. My daughter is in college pursuing a doctorate, emigrating will be much easier for her. Collectively as a family we'll figure out where to go, but I know it's not wise nor comfortable to stay put. I hope that you and Filha are happily back home now.
Thank you, your poem is beautiful and heart wrenching. I have grandchildren in the states and it's the most terrifing thing that parents and children now live with in the US. Sad and sicken by the continous lack of change.
Thank you for expressing what I also feel so eloquently. I am much older, my son turns 35 today. He lives in Durham, North Carolina, in a neighborhood where you can hear gunshots every week - at least. He's all grown up, and I still worry and wish he could join me here in Portugal, where sanity prevails.
I don't tell everyone who asks "why Portugal" the whole truth. Many Americans will never understand and some will become agitated if I told them the truth; America is a broken society. Something has gone terribly wrong with how we live and how we are expected to get up, brush ourselves off again and do the Zoom meeting, answer the email, get the groceries, comfort our child, look sexy (but not too sexy), help aging parents, help fundraise for our broke schools and try so hard to be optimistic. I"m so tired and so sensitive and I can't take it anymore. I know Portugal isn't utopia but in the words of Tracy Chapman:
Any place is better
Starting from zero, got nothing to lose
Maybe we'll make something
Me, myself, I got nothing to prove
Beautiful words. I’ve been bouncing between tears and rage today. We’re planning a move to Portugal, which is how I discovered and started following you. We thought we’d move this summer but decided we needed one more year to get our finances in shape. And then move next summer so we don’t have to make the kiddo move schools mid year. But now I wonder, can we afford to wait?
Well, this is brilliant, which (knowing you for as long as I have) comes as no shock, but it was very comforting to read. I know exactly what you mean, about realising - once you've left the USA - that you don't want to go back. I haven't been back for 2.5 years, some of which is due to COVID of course, but now that I theoretically COULD go back, I find I really don't want to.
I thought about you a lot the last few days, not just because I miss you, but specifically because:
1. My BRP / visa card finally fucking arrived and I can FINALLY plan to come and see you, and that makes me so happy;
2. The Uvalde shooting made me immediately think of you, and the combination of relief but also horror you must be feeling, and how much I wish I could protect all of the children who have to go to school every day - scared to, as I know Lu had been. I think of the smug faces of the Republican Senators who have taken millions of dollars in donations from the NRA and gun manufacturers, and I think with huge dread about the midterms, and how every poll I've seen is predicting that the GOP will actually GAIN seats in the House and Senate - and I cannot, I can NOT fucking stand it; and finally...
3. I read an astonishing exposé of the Southern Baptists religious group, and the rampant sexual abuse that's been going on for decades, covered up by the same type of smirking, old white men who run the NRA and preach self-righteously at the kinds of churches I know you had to go to. Who told you that you were basically a witch. And a sinner. And I want to kick their faces in, and make them leave the world alone so that Lu can live in it with joy and freedom. Anyway. I love you. Great post. Say Hi to your mommy and The Papa. And let's make plans! XOXOXO
Love you, Beachness.
definitely sharing the same fears about midterms and 2024.
I read this this morning when I woke up, I described it to the folks in my aula portuguêsa who wanted me to send it to them, I re-read it when I got home, and read it again. And I cried every effing time: for what you evoke and what you emote in your exquisite prose, and for the sadness that is our broken 'merika. And as to how you describe your unbeknownst reluctance to "return" to see friends and family, right on, as well. Obrigado, eu.
LaDonna, I was a teacher of young children until last year. I remember standing in my kindergarten classroom with all my sparkly five year olds around me when a parent whispered the news of Sandy Hook in my ear. What was I suppose to do with that news? In that moment? I hardened a place deep inside me and tried to stuffed it there. I went on to play games about vowels and tried to keep that horror from leaking out onto my hands, my face, into tears. I tried not to assess my classroom for hiding spaces, avenues of escape. I tried to ignore the large pane of glass in my classroom door, so easily broken giving access to the twist lock that was our only defense. I tried hard to only reflect my sincere enthusiasm for the short sound of "e" and the magic of letters becoming words becoming stories.
This time. This murder spree. This massacre that "couldn't have been prevented" arrived when I don't have my own classroom. It arrived to pile up on top of all the other acts of war on people going about their lives, here and abroad. It arrived when I can't look into a multitude of goofy, loving faces and find some reason to hope things will get better. So, I turned off the TV, changed the radio station and tried to hear a little about any of it as possible. I thought it was working until I read your poem.
I had to stop multiple times as I read it. I had to stop and cry and allow that hard little knot in the center of my chest to loosen a little. I think it may be a few days until it settles, this commotion you started; I have been packing it away for years after all. Thank you for that. I don't know what I'll do next but I do know I have to direct my despair to work and to righting some of this for all those sparkly little people I've loved so much.
Your words are very powerful. Thank you for sharing.
Your words are powerful too, Debbie. Thank you for sharing yours, and for loving all those sparkly little people over the years. I'm glad my words helped with that hard knot. Sending love down the line to you.
Thank you for your words. It's SO horrible and there's no end in sight. Enjoy your time with your family and travel safely to your home 💗
Your latest newsletter was absolutely beautiful. I can really feel your pain from what is happening in the United States. The leaders of this country should want to do better, but sadly I don't have a lot of faith in their ability to do the right thing. Most of the people here are really good and deserve better, but unfortunately too many politicians have no heart or spine. My wife and I were fortunate to discover not only the beauty of Portugal, but also the kindness of the people. This is a country that knows what it is like to not freedom until a few decades ago and they cherish and protect the life they have now. We were lucky enough to buy a home in the "Silver Coast" area last year and we can't wait to make the move. We are also from the bay area and my wife is a native San Franciscan, so your newsletter hits home even more. Thank you for sharing the day to day life in Portugal as well as the things that really move your heart. Our thoughts are with you while you are visiting your family. Have a safe trip home.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Your words resonated with me on levels so deep that I cannot begin to describe it. I always enjoy your writing. So much. Today more than ever. I understand why you moved to Portugal. It's for the same reasons that I will when I can finally leave. The US hasn't felt like either home or a safe place in decades. I no longer want to be here. Haven't for what seems like forever.
💔
This is so beautifully written! My family and I have been living in Portugal for 7 months now. My kids are only 2 and 3. Our 3 year old started preschool recently. I am eternally grateful that my kids won’t have to practice active shooter drills, and that I know they won’t be gunned down at school.
Thank you! You said all I feel. We leave for Portugal Saturday, and while it’s only our scout trip, I’m so utterly confident as each day goes by in the US that this is absolutely the right decision for my family. Keep sharing your bravery! It helps.
As I time travel backward and read your posts, I feel like we're sharing a mind. I fervently hope for the same feeling, the vanquishing of worries about guns and shootings, and do I have to wonder if someone with a gun is going to end a family member's life today?
We are seven days out and counting the minutes.
I remember that countdown/feeling/anxiety so very well. Those last weeks before we moved went by soooooo slowly. You're going to make it! See you on the other side.
This post expresses what so many of us feel LaDonna. I was talking with my 16yr old after the Uvalde shooting. He has decided to pursue college in Europe with the goal of emigrating. My parents were both immigrants, and had my mother lived to see what the US is like today she would be horrified. My daughter is in college pursuing a doctorate, emigrating will be much easier for her. Collectively as a family we'll figure out where to go, but I know it's not wise nor comfortable to stay put. I hope that you and Filha are happily back home now.
So powerful and beautifully written. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you, your poem is beautiful and heart wrenching. I have grandchildren in the states and it's the most terrifing thing that parents and children now live with in the US. Sad and sicken by the continous lack of change.
Yes, this. So many times this. Be safe.
Thank you for expressing what I also feel so eloquently. I am much older, my son turns 35 today. He lives in Durham, North Carolina, in a neighborhood where you can hear gunshots every week - at least. He's all grown up, and I still worry and wish he could join me here in Portugal, where sanity prevails.