Code Name Blueberry

A short but essential update

Recently my teenager asked, “Mom, are you still using Filha as my code name on your Substack?”

“I am,” I said, “Is that still ok?”

She hesitated long enough for the pause to be the answer and then said, “Well, I’ve been feeling kind of uncomfortable with that name.”

“It’s no problem for me to change it,” I said. “Do you have a different name in mind?”

She didn’t.

Filha, in Portuguese, is the feminine version of filho—filho for son, filha for daughter. Filho gets a masculine article: o filho, um filho, meu filho. Filha gets the feminine version: a filha, uma filha, minha filha.

The binary nature of this gendered language has become a sticking point for my kid. Since hitting puberty, she has traversed the spectrum from demigirl to aromantic/asexual to agender, and expressed a preference for she/they pronouns. She 30% of the time. They, 70%.

“I didn’t want to ask you to change my code name because I thought it might be a lot of work,” she said.

I assured her it was no big deal.

“Tell me what name you want to use and I’ll start using it,” I said.

For weeks now, we’ve been tossing options into the air to feel their heft and virtue. Criança, which means child. Lua, which means moon. Yes, both of those are female words in Portuguese. But that’s not the hangup, my kid explained. The problem is that filha changes based on the gender of the person you’re referring to. Criança and lua don’t change. They are what they are. They felt better, but still not quite right.

Then last Wednesday on the way to the orthodontist, as we volleyed names back and forth (o pássaro? a árvore?) we hit upon the perfect name.

“Ooooh!” I said suddenly, smacking the steering wheel. “What about blueberry?!”

“Mirtilo,” she said quickly, in her perfect Portuguese accent. “Because Dad used to call me Blueberry when I was little!”

“Yeah,” I said, “What do you think?”

“I love it,” she said softly. “Thanks.”

So from this entry forward, Filha is now Mirtilo. And to honor Mirtilo’s 30/70 pronoun request, I will be referring to them as they in this space more often than not.

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Copyright © 2025 LaDonna Witmer • {all photos by author}