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Becca Williams's avatar

Right on LaDonna: "There is a vast chasm between meeting people and making friends. Especially friends of the heart. The kind of people you want to sit around and pull weeds with."

My husband and I moved to Portugal (in the Algarve – Lagos specifically) 6 months ago and are just settling in; I've been thinking of ways to meet people who I can pull weeds with (thank you Ashley for the heartfelt metaphor!).

To that end, I recently posted an invitation on a few local Algarve FB pages, which I'll share here (perhaps if it resonates for anyone in the Algarve reading this – if that's ok?):

"An Invitation ... I finally have our Lagos apartment in a comfortable and cozy state – and am reaching out to see if you'd be interested in creating a circle of regular gatherings at my place for community and connection? Creating a life in another country, like so many of us have, can bring on Big Feelings of loneliness – often interlaced with bouts of self-doubt, anxiety, depression and the like. I think it's fair to say we've all been there?

But I find with mood challenges, a regular intentional group gathering can be very reassuring, healing, and inspiring. And it'd be my pleasure to host something like this – as I'm both a group faciliator and a woman who would love to meet others drawn to exploring whatever is knocking loudest on our head so we can release these emotions for more calm, centered clarity.

So I'm thinking a regular little group gathering in a comfortable warm space can allow us to let our hair down with enjoyable like-minded heart-centered others. No obligation and I'll supply the hot herbal tea:) As I say, I'm in Lagos in the Algarve – so anyone who has an accessible drive and is up for meeting regularly at my place please DM and I'll be in touch!" -30-

Several people have responded and I'm eagerly looking at dates to meet!

LaDonna thank you always for your precious insights channeled through the gifted writer you are!

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Jane Callaghan's avatar

I think that as you age and know yourself better, you can be more realistic.

I realise that I have never made friends easily. I generally get on better with men than women which makes people suspicious.

My only genuine long-standing friends are former work colleagues with whom I shared my personal and professional life in Liverpool for 25 years. When we meet up we can cut to the chase. No need to be polite or discuss trivia.

I didn't get married until I was 41. We decided to move south to Plymouth. We have two couples there who now count as firm friends. We had many acquaintances, but moving to Portugal left them behind, apart from Christmas emails.

We have been in for over seven years now, but only have one couple who are the kind of friends on whom you can rely. They are Portuguese and help us greatly with our language skills with the added bonus of speaking fluent French like me. My neighbours are also good friends. We meet up for lunch with other people but there isn't that feeling that we are really connected. I'm quite outspoken and once we get over the introductions and begin to relax I try to discuss more 'important ' issues and often find that they support Russia or gun ownership, which means that I could never really get along with them.

Fortunately both my husband and I are reasonably self-reliant and are finally relaxing into a simple life of small pleasures. Good friends are a bonus, but one that we could live without.

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